WCG Ultimate GamerAre You Ready to Rock?
Original Air Date: Mar 10, 2009
Thomas Nikl – Associate Staff Writer
thomas@thetwocentscorps.com
Welcome to WCG Ultimate Gamer a new show presented by the SCIFI network. The premise is simple: take twelve hardcore gamers, put them in a house together, make them compete in video games, and see who gets crowned Ultimate Gamer. The winner takes home $100,000 and gets to tour around with the WCG (World Cyber Games). I know that many of you may be thinking why was associate staff writer Thomas Nikl picked to write this show’s Recap & Review? Well, readers, behind my sexy, alluring, funny, intelligent (and modest) appearance lies a geek at heart, armed with a Computer Science degree and an avid video game collection. Ok, n00bs, let’s get our pwn3’d on!
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First we meet all the housemates- we get their names, their handles (also known as their gamer name), their accomplishments and their game specialty. For anyone curious, my specialty is first person shooters although honestly I’m really not that great. I like running around and shooting a lot… which means I die a lot. Did you know you can win the “purple heart” award in Battlefield 2? Yes, you can- if you die enough. And I did.
ReplyDeleteAlas, I digress. We meet all twelve housemates and already I have a serious problem with this show. Where is the acne-ridden, obese, hideous World of Warcraft addict? How can you have a gaming show without a WoW loser? And, not only that, the five girls on the show? BABES. Seriously, I’d date all of them. You’ve got the girl next door cuties (Kelly and Alyson), the girl with the big boobies (Amy), the gothic school girl hottie (CiJi), the NYC looking clubber hottie (Chelsea). Seriously if this is what gamer conventions look like these days sign me the FREAK up ASAP! E3, here I come, dude!
Uhm. There are also seven guys on the show. But, I’m a guy, and there are cute girls, so I barely even noticed the dudes. Sorry. Anyway, the show has a pretty cool premise. Essentially, you have a real-life challenge to start, followed by a gamer challenge, and then an elimination round. The scores from each round are added up. The last place person is automatically going to elimination, and the first place person picks the other gamer to go to elimination. The real life challenge and gamer challenge are always related, so in this case, the teams are performing in a real band and then playing “Rock Band 2”.
Ok, readers, got the premise? Good. The players are divided into three teams who all perform a “The Donnas” song for the judges, who just happened to be, “The Donnas”. I am sure it was a coincidence. I was not keeping good enough notes to report the scores (sorry!) but I know that Dante was a god awful singer and I wanted to rip my ears off listening to his voice. To quote Randy Jackson “it was a bit pitchy, dawg.”
Now we get to the gamer challenge. It takes place in this awesome looking white room with awesome “Rock Band 2” setup. I was like “woah this is right out of the Matrix” and then one of the gamers said the exact same thing. See- I am a total dork. Shhh. Honestly, I thought all the gamers did a pretty bad job at “Rock Band 2”. In fact, I am confident I could out-sing Alyson (99% sure that was her) on the Blue team. The song was tight though they rocked out to “My Own Worst Enemy” by Lit.
Oh, before I forget. CiJi, the hot got school girl hottie has a mad crush on Dante (she knows him previously) to the point where she is getting jealous. What is this world coming to. I am so much cooler (and hotter) than Dante. Ciji- ditch Dante and give me a call.
Ok, back to the competition. Robert- the guy with blue contacts that stopped being cool in 1997- is in last place. He is going to elimination. Swoozie (Smoozie?) is in first place so he ends up picking JD- the frat guy sports game guru- to elimination. The other gamers are mad because CiJi (SO HOT) is a “Rock Band 2” goddess and Robert is a pro gamer. Their one chance to knock Robert out and they blow it because Swoozie and Robert are BFFs after 24 hours.
JD sucks at “Rock Band 2” so, to his credit, he practices all night. Robert eats salad and stuff. But in the end Robert clobbers JD in the competition rocking out to “Come Out and Play” to the Offspring (my neck still hurts from head banging to this song at dances in 7th grade).
The host, of course, ends the show with the tackiest end line: “for you, its game over- please leave the stage”. God, how tacky. SCIFI here are some suggestions for you if you make a 2nd season.
• Right after the elimination round, the host proclaims “finish him” and the winner gets to drop kick the loser off the stage.
• The host goes “A B A C A B B” and then the loser’s pod opens up and they drop into a bottomless pit or something.
• The winner screams out “the bomb has been planted” and then the loser is shot out of the stadium.
Seriously, SCIFI, call me, I have so many ideas for next season. Ok, readers. Tell me what you thought of the show. And, for bonus points, tell me what three video games I am referencing.
Oh, one last thing. CiJi- call me, girl!