Big LoveCome, Ye Saints
Original Air Date: Feb 22, 2009
Thomas Nikl – Associate Staff Writer
thomas@thetwocentscorps.com
Welcome, readers, to a new segment Keith (our fearless leader) and I have devised. Keith approached me about covering Big Love and I told him that quite honestly I probably could not write the usual Recap & Review about Big Love. “Why”, Keith asked. I explained that Big Love- while a great show, with great acting- drives me so insane that I wasn’t sure I could write a full recap of it without losing my mind. And thus, a light bulb went off somewhere, and I proposed a very brief recap of an episode followed by all the things that absolutely made me almost jump out my 3rd story apartment window screaming “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE”. Alas, submitted for your approval by TheTwoCents society I present to you: DROVE ME CRAZY.
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[photo: HBO]
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Big Love
ReplyDeleteCome, Ye Saints
Original Air Date: Feb 22, 2009
Thomas Nikl – Associate Staff Writer
thomas@thetwocentscorps.com
Welcome, readers, to a new segment Keith (our fearless leader) and I have devised. Keith approached me about covering Big Love and I told him that quite honestly I probably could not write the usual Recap & Review about Big Love. “Why”, Keith asked. I explained that Big Love- while a great show, with great acting- drives me so insane that I wasn’t sure I could write a full recap of it without losing my mind. And thus, a light bulb went off somewhere, and I proposed a very brief recap of an episode followed by all the things that absolutely made me almost jump out my 3rd story apartment window screaming “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE”. Alas, submitted for your approval by TheTwoCents society I present to you: DROVE ME CRAZY.
I have to start by saying this episode didn’t make me quite as homicidal as Big Love episodes can but there was still plenty of drama. Also, this is the first DROVE ME CRAZY posting so please, please, please, readers, hook me up with some feedback – positive or negative – throw it my way.
We begin this episode with Bill and the family on a road trip to New York to see some kind of play that revolves around an Angel Moroni saving something… or someone… I dunno, man, I’m an Atheist but I am assuming this is Mormon stuff. Bill and the massive gang stop at a bunch of Mormon landmarks along the way but in general the family is having tiffs right and left and no one really seems to want to be there (except maybe the smaller rascals). Family road trip- what could possible drive me crazy about this, right? Here, try these on for size:
• Bill- For the cost of gas in three cars and a million hotel rooms you could have FLOWN your massive family cross-country. Delta’s hub airport is Salt Lake Freakin’ City for gods’ sakes and maybe they have bulk ticket discounts. Do yourself and your family a favor and FLY next time- just make sure your punk kids aren’t sitting next to me.
• Bill- Again, dude, you were counting your Viagra pills… on the sink counter… with no drain guard… with the faucet running. What were you thinking? Putting aside the fact that no one counts their Viagra what on Earth possesses you to count them in that manner? Yes, obviously something happened and you dropped them ALL down the drain, moron.
• Nicki- She is still getting calls from that guy she worked with only Nicki is stupid enough to talk to him in the room with Barb like three feet away. Dude. A piece of advice, if you’re going to contemplate an affair don’t do so while on the phone with your other wife in the room. Duh.
• Ben- Ok, don’t even get me started on his hair. Get a stylist or something, man, sheesh!
• Ben & Margie - Margie is showering in one room. Ben is getting randomly naked in the other. And of course Margie strolls out (accidently, of course) and young Ben gets a full frontal view of his naked Mom. But, alas, Ben still becomes the luckiest man in the world for that. Until he decides to confess his love for Margie in a note like a freaking third grader. And then Teeny finds it and Margie actually has to explain to HER SON (kind of) that he needs to get over his love for her.
• Oh, want to know what kind of music these people listen to on their road trips? NO YOU DON’T- TRUST ME!
• Barb & Nicki – While looking for (actually, I don’t recall) something in the bathroom Barb finds birth controls. These are Nicki’s. But Barb thinks they are Sarah’s. So she calls Sarah in for a little lecture about how bad sex is and how if Sarah is even having sex thoughts she better stop right away. Obviously, Barb doesn’t know her little girl is preggo. At any rate, Nicki sits there- SITS THERE- and let’s Barb lambaste Sarah when they are hers!! What kind of an awful adult does that? WHO?
• Sarah, Nicki, Barb & Bill – So… Sarah miscarries in the hotel and Nicki finds her crying in the bathroom. While driving Nicki (in one actual act of decency) convinces Sarah they have to tell her Mom, Barb. Nicki says she’ll be there for Sarah. I am thinking “ok, that’s nice of Nicki, she’s finally being an adult”. Then, Nicki picks up her cell phone, CALLS BARB and tells her over the phone WHILE DRIVING that her daughter just miscarried a baby she didn’t know her daughter was impregnated with in a cheap motel. WWWWHHHHHAAAATTTT? ARE YOU SERIOUS, NICKI?
• Everyone but Bill- The family leaves one rest stop so hastily that they leave Bill behind!! Actually, this didn’t drive me crazy- it was hilarious and I wanted to end on a slightly more positive note than a miscarriage.
Ok, Thomas, take a deep breath. Ok. Seriously- what is WRONG with this family? See all the times I had to CAPS LOCK words? That means I am screaming at the monitor while I write this!!! Big Love drives my blood pressure up like a dozen eggs smothered in butter with a side of cheese covered bacon wrapped in snickers bars and donuts. ARGH!!
*more deep breaths*
Ok, readers, do your duty. Leave me comments. I’ll need them as I recover for next week’s DROVE ME CRAZY!
OK - I don't even watch Big Love (no $ for HBO), but this was freakin' hilarious! I was yelling at the TV last night while watching Heroes, so it's nice to see someone else who think they can get through to these idiots!
ReplyDeleteSeriously, Nicki drives me bat crap crazy ... I would have thrown her & that idiot tape of hers out the window in the middle of Oklahoma.
ReplyDeleteI screamed through many, many scenes this week. But leaving Bill behind at the rest stop?! HA!! Retribution for being dumb enough to take THREE families across country on a road trip. Dumba$$. I've been waiting for him to loose those stupid pills since the first time they showed him counting them (do guys really count them like an addict?)
I did get teary at Sarah's miscarriage ... and then laughed when Hubs pointed out that maybe telling your parents that news while they are stuck in a car, safely away from you ~ NOT the worst idea ever!