Boston LegalDances With Wolves
Original Air Date: Oct 6th, 2008
Kathryn – TwoCents Reviewer
kathryn@twocentscorp.com
‘Gun, knee, right foot, left foot – only in America - sweet land of liberty Valance.’
You guessed it: Denny Crane.
Here’s a word of advice: never try to mug Denny Crane if you value your knee caps. Although Denny does seem to be mellowing in his older age – he has consented to have a drink with Weird Jerry to discuss his partnership potential; he draws the line at being mugged and killed by a black guy, especially when Barack is running for president. It’s just not a good look, complains Denny. Think of the Democrats! So he just has to shoot the guy… a few times – as one does.
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Boston Legal
ReplyDeleteDances With Wolves
Original Air Date: Oct 6th, 2008
Kathryn – TwoCents Reviewer
kathryn@twocentscorp.com
‘Gun, knee, right foot, left foot – only in America - sweet land of liberty Valance.’
You guessed it: Denny Crane.
Here’s a word of advice: never try to mug Denny Crane if you value your knee caps. Although Denny does seem to be mellowing in his older age – he has consented to have a drink with Weird Jerry to discuss his partnership potential; he draws the line at being mugged and killed by a black guy, especially when Barack is running for president. It’s just not a good look, complains Denny. Think of the Democrats! So he just has to shoot the guy… a few times – as one does.
Bwah da dun dun dun dun dun dun
Alan and Shirley are concerned, but Denny says he shoots people all the time – what’s the big deal? The big deal is the police who have come to arrest him for carrying a concealed weapon.
The question I have to ask is what is this ‘concealed weapon’ rubbish? I’m not pro or anti gun, but what if you have to take the gun somewhere? What are you meant to do? Stick it in a big plastic bag and hang it around your neck – or put it on your pocket or hand bag, where, technically, I presume, it is ‘concealed’.
That, and the plot line, just seems a bit silly to me, especially as Denny could have just got a permit for the many many guns he likes to keep around his person. But this is Boston Legal and they are going to make a political point if even if they have to shoot us in the knee caps with it.
Alan is going to help Denny, but Denny wants Carl Sack (the straight man) and the lovely Joanna pops in. Joanna is the sex surrogate therapy worker who helped Alan work through his inside trouser measurement problems (think sex, mothers and intimacy). Her hubby thinks her job makes her unfit as a mom. Joanna is about as fit and grounded as you would want in a mom. I’d take her any day. Alan promises she will be able to keep her daughter even though both the judge and the opposing council seem very keen to beat him up (and they are both very scary looking women).
Alan’s not too sure if all this female domination excites him or makes him kinky, but he is worried. ‘Are we sexist?’ he asks Denny.
‘Us - never,’ replies his faithful companion. ‘And they love it,’ he adds. Denny would happily throw Hillary across his desk. He loves all women – even the fat ones. But Alan is not convinced. He wants to be good. He wants not to mentally undress them in heart beat. It’s just he can’t not. He’s brilliant, funny, but a complete letch – with a textile fetish as Shirley puts it: remember the waltz with Shirley’s cheerleading outfit.
Boom – boom – boom – and boom!
There is no defense to Denny’s case, but he doesn’t want one. He wants to lose. He promises Jerry a big wooden cigar if he does the best damn closing that will get him convicted and all the way to the Supreme Court so he can make it legal for Americans to carry five concealed guns and a device strapped to their butts that turns it into a flame thrower.
This is a constitution we are expounding.
Marbury v Madison
This is also where it starts getting a bit controversial. All the guys who wrote the constitution are dead. So it is up to the Supreme Court to decide exactly what they meant. Just like when people look at art and an art critic sees a masterpiece and your average Joe Bloe sees something their five year old could have done, the Supreme Court judges look at the constitution in different ways.
As Jerry explains the original bit about guns was basically that everyone had the right to pick up a gun if the British attacked. The Supreme Court has sort of changed that over the years to the whole ‘prize it from my cold dead hand’ Charlton Heston thing. So Denny reckons, as we have a whole bunch of Republican appointed pro gun judges on the Supreme Court, let’s go one step further and head back to Wild West territory before all that pesky legislation. Jerry’s David E Kelly speech is not really about guns, but more a scathing commentary on the Supreme Court.
But the real kicker is that it works and Denny is found not guilty even though he quite clearly broke the law. This, I presume, is David E Kelley’s way of saying Americans love guns just a little too much. Denny is pissed at winning the case: “I can’t lose any,” he laments.
Even though the judge threatens to hit him again Alan’s on his soapbox too. Alan thinks America has a profoundly paradoxical relationship with sex. It’s ‘oh my God that statue has a nipple showing – quick, cover it up’ v Bill Clinton. Alan has barely gotten into his ‘we use sex to sell products, but Joanna talks honestly and openly about sex’ speech before Beat ‘em Up Judge rules in his favor.
The balcony scene
Alan is very honest about his masculinity. Although he admires women for many things, he also sees them as ‘a big human mitten designed to keep his cockles warm on a cold night’. I suppose that really is men for you. Studies have shown men think about sex about every five seconds (even the clever ones).
But Denny knows best: it’s cultural, biological… and it’s fun. I’m all for the fun part. Embrace your inner wolf, he says. But just watch it you wolfie lot – you may be outfoxed…
I had a penny in my pocket…
Please put your two cents in to ensure every American has the right, the privilege, to carry a gun, have sex and twiddle a big wooden cigar. It’s a little weird, but this is Boston Legal.