Carpoolers"The Seminar"
Original Airdate 1-8-09
Jeff L - TwoCents Staff Writer
The Carpoolers start off with a group In the Air Tonight Phil Collin’s drum solo and then we’re taken to a sexual harassment seminar all the guys are attending. Aubrey is nervous and is taking notes because he hates authority figures. Laird, on the other hand, is fantasizing about the beautiful woman who’s leading the harassment seminar. He vows that he will sleep with her and Aubrey continues playing “the man’s” game by volunteering to be a Harassment Captain – basically a hall monitor for sexual harassment.
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Carpoolers
ReplyDelete"Safety Last"
Original Airdate 1-8-09
Jeff L - TwoCents Staff Writer
The Carpoolers start off with a group In the Air Tonight Phil Collin’s drum solo and then we’re taken to a sexual harassment seminar all the guys are attending. Aubrey is nervous and is taking notes because he hates authority figures. Laird, on the other hand, is fantasizing about the beautiful woman who’s leading the harassment seminar. He vows that he will sleep with her and Aubrey continues playing “the man’s” game by volunteering to be a Harassment Captain – basically a hall monitor for sexual harassment.
Back at Gracen’s house, Marmaduke is enjoying a cup of peanut butter tea (really?) when Leila demands to know why he’s drinking from a Donny Daramagian (Kevin McDonald, Kids in the Hall) mug. Donny is her chief competitor in the real estate sales game. Marmaduke claims he found the mug on the doorstep. Leila hates Donny because he sells houses by giving away fancy gifts to his clients. Marmaduke suggests Leila hire a sign spinner to drum up business for the open house she’s having and then hires himself for the job.
At the office, Dr. Laird tells the director of human resources -- who led the sexual harassment seminar (Bridgette Wilson, The $treet) that he’s being sexually harassed – but only because he wants to “nail” her.
Leila isn’t exactly sold on the sign spinning concept, so she decides to join Donny in giving away lavish gifts in an attempt to close on the house she’s selling. She asks Cindy to gift wrap 50 espresso makers in one hour and Cindy, who keeps her own gift wrapping station year round doesn’t think that will be a problem.
Dr. Laird is showing Dougie his fancy new video goggles he’s going to use for his dental patients. Dougie puts them on and starts viewing before Laird can tell him the only videos he had on hand to test out the new goggles was his huge box of vintage Swiss erotica. Newlywed Dougie freaks out and shuts the movie off immediately. Harassment Captain Aubrey confiscates the box of porn, but runs into the HR director and spills the box at her feet.
Later, in the car, Laird tells the guys that he’s only going after the HR director because it will be his biggest challenge yet as a womanizer. Aubrey warns him off and tells him that he’s going to get the entire Carpool fired, but Laird doesn’t listen.
Out on the street, Marmaduke is attempting to spin a sign advertising his mom’s open house. Some street toughs knock his sign out of his hands and he get’s a crash course from a street poet (Tony Cox, Rescue Me, Me, Myself and Irene) who decides to mentor the young sign spinner.
Dr. Laird sends a dozen roses to himself so he can receive them in front of the HR director in order to back up his story about how he’s being harassed by someone in the building. As she leaves Dr. Laird’s office, Aubrey storms in and demands to know why Laird has taken a marker and defaced his Harassment Captain badge making it read “Ass Captain” and Laird tells him he shouldn’t leave his jacket unattended during the Carpool. The two men start to fight and it quickly turns to a very suggestive wrestling match with Aubrey obviously getting the upper hand. The harassment counselor looks back to see Aubrey mounting Dr. Laird on the floor of his office.
Marmaduke has progressed quickly as a sign spinner, under the tutelage of the street poet. He’s challenged to a “spinoff” by a gang of rival sign spinners who work for Donny Daramagian.
Dougie feeling guilty about watching the vintage Swiss erotica, confesses to Cindy that he has cheated on her. When she finds out he watched 15 seconds of porn, she demands to see the video for herself to know if the girls in it are prettier than her. That conversation leads the couple to Dr. Laird’s house where they borrow the box of movies, since Dr. Laird can’t remember which one he had playing in the video goggles.
At the office, Aubrey finds out he’s the subject of a sexual harassment investigation and immediately faints. He’s called in the HR office and is formally notified that he is under investigation. The HR director watches him carefully as he leaves and there is a literal parade of sexy, scantily clad women in the hallway. He is so flustered that he accidentally touches a women’s breast instead of the elevator button all while the HR director is watching.
Out on the street, Marmaduke wins the spinoff and Leila is there to cheer him on. Also in the crowd is Donny Daramagian who runs off after the spinoff. A couple approach Leila and tell her that they went to her open house and they were interested in making an offer on the house, but they didn’t get one of the espresso makers that she was giving away because she ran out before they got there. Leila promises to drop a gift off at their house.
Cindy has decided that if Dougie feels the need to watch pornography that the only woman she wants him to see in the movies is her. The couple decide to make their own sex tape. They are just about to get down to business when Leila shows up to see if she has any of the espresso makers left. The couple is freaked out by the knocking on the door and they’re sure it’s the porno police there to arrest them for making porn. Cindy grabs up all of Dr. Laird’s videos and throws them back in the box – which Dougie tries to hide in the closet, but that’s the first place they’ll look so Cindy quickly gift wraps the box. Leila comes in and she’s in a big hurry to get a gift to the couple who’s interested in her house so she just grabs the box of pornography and runs off with it. Dougie and Cindy, too embarrassed to explain just let her go.
Dr. Laird is staying late at the office for his “meeting” with the HR director. Turns out her investigation into Aubrey led her straight to the womanizing dentist’s office. Aubrey and several angry women are waiting for him when he arrives. The HR director asked around and none of the women in the office even knew who Aubrey was, they did however, know Dr. Laird some of them knew him very, very well and they were none too happy with him.
Later at Gracen’s house, there’s a knock on the door. It’s the couple to whom Leila just delivered a box of vintage Swiss erotica. They said they were unsure about buying the house until they got Leila’s gift. No they are sure they will fit right in the new neighborhood. They tell Leila and Gracen to “keep on swinging” and that they’ll be buying the house.
The next day, Aubrey is leading the mandatory sensitivity training to an audience of Dr. Laird and a couple of others. He starts the seminar with the advice to always “be on our best behavior” which he then acronyms on the board as “BOOBB” or booby and starts to faint again when he realizes he’s just said booby at a sexual harassment seminar.