"Laird of the Ring"
Original Air Date: October 9, 2007
Jeff L - TwoCents Staff Writer
The car is full and Dr. Laird (Jerry O’Connell) is driving. This time the odd quad is listening to Come on Eileen by Dexy’s Midnight Runners (Google it, kids). They disagree about the lyrics and Laird takes matters into his own hands…or fingers as the case may be. He punches the OnStar button and makes the lady tell them the correct lyrics.
Aubrey (Jerry Minor) is making his kids’ lunches. How many kids does this guy have anyway? He’s making about 20 sandwiches while his kids are out of control all over the house. His wife’s feet are still there, in front of the tv, as always as he says goodbye and heads out for work.
Dougie and his wife are being cute as Aubrey picks them up, and peels out as they try to wave goodbye to each other at the exact same time.
Over at Gracen (Fred Goss) manor Laird shows up as Leila (Faith Ford) and Marmaduke (T.J. Miller) are seeing Gracen off to work. Marmaduke is doing something with a bucket of dirt, but at least he has pants on this time. He’s wearing a funny t-shirt and Laird tells him that he has the same shirt. Turns out that’s not Marmaduke’s shirt, but he has more that are exactly like that one.
In the car, Dr. Laird tells the gang that he thinks Marmaduke is weird and Gracen says he’s only weird because Dr. Laird is his hero. Dr. Laird says he shouldn’t be anyone hero since he hasn’t heard the life affirming sound of panties hitting the floor for over TWO WEEKS. Aubrey says he hasn’t had sex in over two years and starts crying.
They arrive at work, park and head into their building, but Aubrey says he forgot something in the car and heads back out. Dougie follows him, but Aubrey throws his briefcase in the trunk and starts walking across the highway. Dougie decides to follow him.
Back in the office building, Dr. Laird spots a girl he’s been trying to ask out and makes Gracen give him his wedding ring because he overheard her talking to her friend about being into married guys. He dons the wedding ring and flirts with the girl, but he’s making fun of Gracen, so Gracen tells him to name his kids, which throws Dr. Laird but only for a moment before Laird grabs him and pushes him away so he can talk to his new lady friend.
Outside and down the street the cloak and dagger stuff is ongoing, with Dougie following Aubrey but getting hit by a car and a truck. Aubrey is at a sleazy motel. And Dougie (who says he get’s hit by cars all the time as he runs off) spots him entering one of the rooms.
Gracen is doing therapy, but it’s not going well since he doesn’t have his wedding ring. His patients think he’s not married so they can’t undertand their marital problems. Dr. Larid busts in and grabs the photo of Marmaduke and runs out. Gracen chases him and wants to know why he needs the photo. The girl is asking about his family, so he needs some props to place around his office. Gracen wants his ring back but Laird won’t give it up.
Later, in the car, the guys want to know why Laird doesn’t just use his old wedding ring but his wife took it in the divorce. Dougie tells Aubrey he stopped by the office to see him but he wasn’t there Aubrey almost gets in an accident and tells them he was out giving blood. They don’t see his “I Gave Blood” sticker. Aubrey says he’s afraid of stickers. But your not afraid of needles, asks Dougie. Aubrey says he’s a complicated dude.
They drop of Laird but he won’t give the wedding ring back because he’s got a date with the girl. He says he’ll bring it back right after the date. Won’t Leila notice the missing ring? Laird says they’ve been married forever and won’t ever notice that the ring is gone. Gracen doesn’t even get out of the car, before Leila spots his naked ring finger. Queue the ominous music.
Gracen is trying to explain, but the truth is never the right thing to do on television so he tells her that he lost the ring in a vending machine at work and that he’s calling the company to come get it out for him. Marmaduke comes in and even with his head in the ‘fridge notices that he’s not wearing his wedding ring.
Next morning. Gracen tries to give Laird a ring he bought for him at a pawnshop. Laird won’t give it up though, because his girl already knows “his” wedding ring. In face, she even licked it. Dr. Laird didn’t seal the deal with the girl so he needs to hold onto the ring. At work, Aubrey pulls the disappearing act again and Dougie follows him once more.
Back at the office, Marmaduke shows up at Dr. Laird’s office to ask him if his parents are getting a divorce. He spots the picture of himself in Lairds office and Laird says they are practically family. Flashback to his black and white birthday party, Marmaduke asks why he’s a foot taller and looks nothing like Gracen and Gracen laughingly tells him he should ask his “real” dad. Marmaduke things Dr. Laird is his dad.
Over at the motel, Dougie knocks at the door and Aubrey comes out. Dougie tells him he’s not going to standby while Aubrey tears his family apart. Aubrey admits to having a mistress named Serenity, but when he opens to motel room door the room is empty. Turns out, Aubrey is using his sick days at work and hiding from him family in the hotel room. Dougie doesn’t understand but Aubrey explains about his many, many kids and that he needs his alone time.
Gracen arrives back home to find Leila flirting with a delivery man, or three and not wearing her wedding ring. Dougie and Cindy talk about ‘me” time and decide they need to try it. Cindy goes in the next room but continues talking to Dougie using their baby monitors. Their alone time lasts about five seconds and they head over to Aubrey’s house to tell him about how they feel about each other. Aubrey invites them in and the kids are going CRAZY. Aubrey talks them into babysitting while he goes for pizza. The door doesn’t even have time to close before the kids attack.
Marmaduke confronts his parents and tells them when they divorce he’s going to live with his mother. They aren’t getting a divorce, his father is just too stubborn to admit he lost the ring. He spills the beans about Laird having his ring and that freaks out Marmaduke even more.
Back at Aubrey’s he shows up with the pizzas and Dougie and Cindy are in utter chaos. They can’t apologize enough. No big deal, Aubrey says, it’s just my life. He says he’s going back out for ice cream, but Dougie and Cindy freak out.
Over at Dr. Laird’s he’s with his new girl Holly. He tells her that it’s not his place and Gracen shows up to get his ring. Leila is with him and Laird’s girlfriend thinks she’s his wife. She spills the beans about not being married to Laird and the girl storms out. Marmaduke shows up and says that Laird is his father but he didn’t do the math, because Laird is only eight years older than Marmaduke. Laird hands over the ring, but it doesn’t fit because Laird had it re-sized.
Back in the car the odd quad perform a spot on cover of Come on Eileen. 5 out of 5 stars. Great show!