Thursday, December 6, 2007

"Dirty Sexy Money" Recap & Review - "The Nutcracker"

Dirty Sexy Money
"The Nutcracker"


Original Air Date: December 5, 2007

Shawn P - TwoCents Staff Writer

Last time on DSM, Brian and Nick, two peas in a pod. Au revoir Gustav.

This week: couplings, art, faith, and Tchaikovsky.

Hmm, we open on various beds: Germs and Charo, Patty and the Mrs, Nick and Lisa, and Simon and Karen. Karen vows to blow off the family Nutcracker tradition to meet Simon’s friends. Tripp visits Brian at work, where he makes what I guess we’d call “a gesture.” Gesture denied with a Mutumbo-like finger wave.

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  1. Shawn P - TwoCents Staff WriterDecember 6, 2007 at 10:44 AM

    Dirty Sexy Money
    "The Nutcracker"


    Original Air Date: December 5, 2007

    Shawn P - TwoCents Staff Writer

    Last time on DSM, Brian and Nick, two peas in a pod. Au revoir Gustav.

    This week: couplings, art, faith, and Tchaikovsky.

    Hmm, we open on various beds: Germs and Charo, Patty and the Mrs, Nick and Lisa, and Simon and Karen. Karen vows to blow off the family Nutcracker tradition to meet Simon’s friends. Tripp visits Brian at work, where he makes what I guess we’d call “a gesture.” Gesture denied with a Mutumbo-like finger wave.

    The other shoe you were waiting for, the one hanging over Brian since his affair became public and he was arrested for bribery? It dropped. Evil Reverend’s been suspended by the State Board for 6 months and ordered to undergo counseling. Yes, I said the “State board.” Don’t ask me, I guess they revoked his tax exempt status.

    Simon gives Nick the news that he and Karen are seeing each other. Naked.

    Who cares?

    Nick seconds my emotion. Simon says that he’ll drop her if it’s a problem with Nick. Huh? Is this a “bros-before-ladies” thing? Nick says, hey, we’re all semi-adult-like, at least in age. Laissez-faire, my man.

    Last week’s episode is summed up perfectly by Brian, who announces to the family: “Hey, guess what? We’re not all related. Not my fault.”

    Holy cow Brian should be a hostage negotiator. He totally defused what could have been a tense situation by making every single other person in the room uncomfortable. Have I mentioned yet that he deserves his own show?

    Jewels apparently picked up some random man on her travels. I think he’s supposed to be poor, because he’s never been on a plane and wears hemp. Plus, he’s got an accent.

    Lisa and Germs continue to bond over art. They banter like some mid-grade Ashley Judd romantic comedy. Which isn’t all terrible, but are they really going to have Germs break up the George marriage? I’m not sure I’m on board for that. I want to not hate Lisa… Germs’ brilliant idea -- draw Lisa in preparation for drawing Charo. Although Lisa’s uncomfortable with the idea, she agrees to take illicit drugs.

    Whuh? Yup. Whuh…

    Tripp plans his power play against Simon with Nick then calls a mysterious third party when Nick leaves. Who’s a secret agent and who’s pretending to be a double secret agent? This plot is going all mobius strip, to my increasing dismay. I’m calling it here first: all this Simon stuff is a red herring. Pencil-thin Mustache Chauffeur killed Pseudo-Dutch. You can take that to the bank.

    I should make a special mention: Karen’s pulling out all the stops in upping the level of suggestive talk Nick. Nick, when Karen says she and Simon just talk, and perhaps sometime you’d like to join them in one of these stimulating conversations, you need to excuse yourself and call your wife. Post haste.

    Brian has a deep conversation about interior lives with Tripp. They seem to be getting along much better now that they’re not related.

    Karen gets to meet the ex-Mrs. Simon Elder, Princess Caribou. Okay, I missed her name, but it could be Princess Caribou. Or at the very least it’s going to be hard for you to prove it couldn’t be Princess Caribou.

    Princess Caribou is one of the Joss Whedon regular players. I’m totally blanking on her name right now…

    Princess Caribou approves of Karen and Simon, for what that’s worth. Whatever…

    Pencil-thin Mustache Chauffeur is back! Clark plays Tom Berenger to Carmelita’s Mimi Rogers. Yup, you just got your first and last Someone To Watch Over Me reference.

    Germs and Lisa are cuddling on the couch now. Ick. Yeah… they kiss. Lisa tells him to stop, but still. BOO!!!! FYI, I now hate Germs and Lisa. They’re both dead to me.

    Karen shows up for the Nutcracker after all, after being totally creeped out by Princess Caribou, it seems. Eh, I’m still numb after what a disappointment Lisa’s turned out to be tonight. Poor Rugrat. Maybe Brian can adopt you to replace Gustav.

    Lisa gets fired from the gallery over the drugs, and I immediately feel a little bit better. Funny, huh?

    Clark drops the ball and Carmelita goes and gets himself kidnapped.

    Brian puts on civvies, and looks ten years younger. He informs Tripp that God says go work for Tripp. He should have asked Frankie, who would have told him Relax, Don’t Do It… alas, Brian’s a company man now, as in the Darling Company (assuming they’re actually incorporated, which I’m guessing they are)…

    Nick tells Simon he’s changed his mind, so from now on you’re through “conversating” with Karen, as she obviously finds it upsetting. Princess Caribou, I got my eye on you! Simon says not a problem, displaying his obviously deep and abiding love for Karen.

    Germs comes clean to Charo about being a Darling, but not about putting the moves on the very married Mrs. George. Charo, displeased, says: coochie coo, sayonara Babyson!

    Jewels’ mail order boyfriend decides to stay in NY. I have a feeling he’s got an expiration date stamped on him, we just need to find it. Regardless, Jewels decides to give him her virginity, because the accent is just that awesome. Ugh.

    Lisa tells Nick about getting fired, confessing to getting high with Germs, and he does not leave her right there on the spot. He says let’s have another kid, because we’re doing such a bang up job with Rugrat. Hmm, interesting choice.

    Oh snap, the mole double secret agent for Tripp? It’s KAREN!!!

    Despite that fantastic twist at the end, this episode gets an incomplete rating: I suspended its “Priest license.”

    If not for the Karen reveal at the very end, I’d give it an F for the Germs/Lisa kiss. I’ll say it again, you’re both dead to me! Dead. To. Me!!!

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