Dirty Sexy Money"The Country House"
Original Air Date: November 21, 2007
Shawn P - TwoCents Staff Writer
Happy Turkey Day, friends and neighbors! We last left our DSM pals forlorn and unrequited after the Karen/Freddy aborted nuptials. Considering the nuptials technically occurred, is the proper phrase euthanized nuptials? Either way, it’s tough to pull of a witty quip, so let’s move along to our current events and never speak of those sentences again.
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Dirty Sexy Money
ReplyDelete"The Country House"
Original Air Date: November 21, 2007
Shawn P - TwoCents Staff Writer
Happy Turkey Day, friends and neighbors! We last left our DSM pals forlorn and unrequited after the Karen/Freddy aborted nuptials. Considering the nuptials technically occurred, is the proper phrase euthanized nuptials? Either way, it’s tough to pull of a witty quip, so let’s move along to our current events and never speak of those sentences again.
This week:
Lisa wants family time.
Tripp wants a sit down with Simon and Patty.
Patty’s wife wants to lay down some ground rules with Carmelita.
Karen wants sex (what’s new?).
The Evil Reverend Brian wants Gustav back.
Germs wants girls to like him for him (good luck with that).
Nick pitches the sit down to Patty, who agrees with the condition that Nick broker a Carmelita/Ellen meeting of minds. Nick gets Simon on board without a hitch by telling him there’s some TurDucKen in it for him, or something like that.
The first 10 minutes of this episode:
Sit down?
Sit down?
Sit down?
Orange whip!
At the custody hearing, Reverend Brian calls Laura Palmer a tramp (I forget what Psalm that’s from, probably one of the lesser known ones) as Nick proposes joint custody. The Evil Rev offers to buy Gustav for $1M, $2M, then $3M. Best Dad ever! Palmer, however, doesn’t bite. Because she’s greedy. Like Brian, I think $3M is more than fair.
Germs hits on that Sofia floozy in the parking garage (or maybe “P2” went straight to network TV – I have to check the Guide). Germs ends up driving her to Brooklyn, where he gets a smooch and a date. Outer boroughs, man. Slumming it!
Karen and Tish start planning the Lisa/Nick home-wrecking experiment. Like Mr. Wizard, only with more adultery.
Carmelita and Ellen exchange pleasantries, none of which include the statement “hey, you kind of look like a dude, are you a dude?” Because I would have expected that one early in the conversation, but Ellen doesn’t even bat an eye, or perhaps doesn’t notice the man hands.
Reverend Bri makes an impassioned speech about his love for his son, at which time the Palmer attorney asks – “who’s Gustav?” Just a pet nickname, man. Brian does some soft shoe but can’t dance his way out of the whole Swedish rouse. You’d think people would appreciate the humor of the whole Gustav thing, but no, I guess I’m the only one.
Germs gets dating advice from Pencil-Thin Mustache Driver, and even calls out the mustache! PTM Driver says he can’t afford a beard. Ha! Remember when I thought Andy Dick played Germs? I feel like there’s some alternate universe where maybe that really happened.
I bet that’s a good show, too.
Brian tells Nick he sucks, which brings back fond memories of all the other times he told Nick he sucked. Ah, intense nostalgia for the recent past – can anything beat it?
When we return from Halftime, it’s Turkey Time!
The entire gang, including Lisa, Simon, the Professor, and the rest, all meet at the country estate that goes criminally under-used. There was a quick throwaway line about where Rugrat George ended up for the Holiday; they said she’s at an orphanage home. They didn’t, but that’s my interpretation of how they really feel about being parents, and I’m sticking to it.
Tripp makes overtures of murdering Simon, which brings us to another commercial break featuring nothing you ever need to buy, ever. Really. Stop shopping.
Simon’s a vegetarian, which blows Karen’s mind.
One of two not at the dinner is Germs, who’s in the middle of his date with Sofia (no longer drunk). She does however, offer him a romp at the end of the night – so it’s obviously true love.
The other missing dinner guest is awesome Reverend Brian, still trying to hang on the Gustav. $3M didn’t work, I don’t know what will.
Patty, Simon, Nick, and Tripp discuss life and love. Simon insists he’s Patty’s friend, and not in fact using him as a pawn against Tripp. Tripp drops the bombshell that Simon’s parents were driven to the Soviet Union by Tripp’s parental units, leading to their death in a Gulag or something of the like. Wow, is it soapy in here?
Simon breaks his cool veneer and calls Tripp desiccated. He says Tripp’s parents had his folks deported, and does blame the Darlings for EVERYTHING!
Patty gets indignant over all the big words being bandied about. He and Simon leave arm in arm. Simon (now calling Tripp a fossil) snaps at Nick.
By the way, the home-wrecking plan is going swimmingly thus far…
Reverend Brian, all else failing, turns to prayer.
Tripp mentions he’s tired of living just as Ellen shoots Patty. I was wrong, now it’s soapy in here.
Nick calls it, in a conference call, a “hunting accident.” They call Charlie Mickelson the trigger-man. I have no idea who that is. Someone asks why the attorney general was hunting at night. Good question, intrepid reporter.
PTM Driver assumes the guise of Mr. Babeson, and cops a feel on Germs’ date.
Nick’s whiny about lying for the family, but really, it’s too late to pretend to be above the whole Tranny Hooker, lying scene. Tripp informs Nick that the real mastermind behind the Elder clan take-down was… duh duh duh! Pseudo-Dutch!
Nick offers to quit his job, but Lisa says she doesn’t want that, the money’s too good (that last part you had to infer).
The end. A little anti-climactic there. Couldn’t we have one more scene of Brian cursing the heavens or trying to raise Beezlebub to sic on his ex-girlfriend?
I give this episode a drumstick and some pecan pie, cause it’s yummy, not at all because it contains triptophane and makes me sleepy.
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