Tuesday, October 2, 2007

"Heroes" Recap & Review - "Lizard"


Original Air Date: October 1, 2007

Mr. Jillyree - TwoCents Staff Writer

Chapter Two--”Lizards”

The episode begins with the Irish thugs going triple Jack Bauer on Peter trying to find out who he works for, or at least his name. I guess they really want those iPods. Peter doesn’t talk, of course, because he doesn’t remember anything.

Meanwhile, at the Bennett house, Loopymom drops her wedding ring in a pot of boiling water. Claire reaches in and grabs them (what a show off), and that begins a discussion about being normal. After Claire leaves for school in her new car, HRG sees the paper with Sulu’s dead body on the front page. He goes into the other room and whips out an Isaac Mendez painting of the exact scene. He tells Loopymom that there are 7 more paintings, but he has not seen them.

Back on the only rooftop in NYC, Parkman shows up to investigate the Sulu murder. He finds out that Mama’s fingerprint is on the picture of death. He decides to bring her downtown, Law-and-Order style.

Taking the way back machine to Hiro--He is search of a “scary white man”. I guess there is only one of those in Japan, because Kensei is found under a tree, drunk again. Hiro tries to sober him up, but fails. Hiro steals the Kensei outfit and takes off to be a “Hiro Hero”.

In the strangest high school biology class I have ever seen, Claire is fascinated by a lizard that can grow it’s legs back. She asks if people can do the same thing, and Stalker Boy stares at her.

Cut to The Company headquarters, where Mohinder is being sent to Haiti in an effort to find some guy who has caught the Hero Disease. It is the third case ever, but Mohinder and Company Man are both scared it is “spreading”. Three people in human history is not “spreading”, unless it is being talked about on Fox News.

Going south, the Wonder Twins have hooked with an old friend who will help smuggle them into Mexico. Smuggle INTO Mexico? They have it all wrong!!!! Anyway, they are hanging out in the back of the house when a woman who calls herself a “faith healer” offers to give Wonder Girl a reading. Faith healer freaks out, though, when she sensed that Wonder Girl is possessed with something even worse then the devil himself. I guess she is infected with a copy of Michael Bolton’s Greatest Hits.

Back at the pub, Peter is being cleaned by a girl. She freaks out when she sees he has no injuries, despite losing a lot of blood. It freaks Peter out a little, too. He freaks out more when he escapes, then freaks out even more when he beats up some punks looking for a little action from sponge girl.

On the beautiful island of Haiti, Mohinder finds the victim of Hero Disease. That guy looks a lot like the Mind Wiper Haitian guy from Season One, mainly because he IS Mind Wiper Haitian Guy from Season one. Mohinder cures him, and in return, Mind Wiper, well, wipes Mohinder’s mind and escapes. What an ungrateful Haitian!!!!

At the heavily guarded southern Mexican border--if the northern Mexican border were guarded as much, the howls of protest would be louder then my gas after Taco Bell--the Wonder Twins prepare to cross. They get separated (never a good thing) and Wonder Girl has a freak out and kills the old family friend with her super black-bleeding-from-the-eyes disease, which is the much worse Hero Disease. Wonder Boy finally makes it across, and does some weird hand holding creepy thing with Wonder Girl, and it brings the family friend back to life. Instead of being grateful, she freaks out and runs away.

Back at Copy World, Claire has to break the bad news to HRG that her car has been stolen. I don’t know if that is very unimportant or not. Ask me again in a few weeks. At any rate, this leads to a discussion about Claire wanting to chop off her toe. She talks about other stuff, but I was stuck on her cutting off her toe. That pains me to even think about.

Heroes managed to pack about 53 minutes of action in the last ten minutes, so try to keep up. Parkman brings in Mama and questions her. She reveals that the symbol is the logo of her husbands law firm (weird) and she had “relations” with Sulu many years ago (and I thought Kirk got all the chicks). Parkman reads her thoughts “we did something terrible” but then she screams at him telepathic style. FREAKY!!! Nathan comes to bail Mama out of jail, but at that moment, an unseen something straight out of “Lost” attacks Mama. She almost dies, but lives to have relations with old Asian men another day.

Peter is still at the High Crimes Pub. Irish dude (Did they ever say his name?) has a box with everything Peter had on him. He promises to give it to Peter if Peter will help with a big job (read--crime of some sort) Why Peter does not just use his power to beat the alcohol out of the Irish guy and steal the box is beyond me, but I guess that would make the show too short.

In Japan, Hiro has finally convinced Kensei to be a hero, thanks in no small part to seeing the hotness that is the swordsman daughter. He walks out of the bar, just in time to be ambushed and killed by the guys Hiro-Kensei chased off earlier that afternoon. Hiro is very upset that he has gotten his childhood hero killed. Just before he hangs his head to cry, Kensei goes all Claire Bennett and heals himself. Kensei is a “HERO”!!!!!! He has the power to heal and get really, really drunk.

Mohinder returns home to Parkman and GPS girl. He tucks in the sleeping GPS girl, but his My Two Dads moment is interrupted by the phone. It is HRG calling again, and he and Mohinder talk about the trip to Haiti. HRG will find the remaining paintings because Mohinder has delivered Mind Wiper right to Copy Master. These guys are good. I wonder if Parkman is in on it at all.

Claire is painting her toes. There is a pair of scissors sitting on the table. She looks at her toe. Please don’t cut it off. Put the scissors down. For Pete’s sake, quit that!!!!! SHE CUT OFF HER TOE!!!!!! She Bobbitt-ed her toe!!!!! It grew back!!!!! That was almost as gross as her cutting it off. Just then, Claire sees Stalker Boy looking in the window. When he sees her, he runs off. She gives chase, but he is gone. All that is there is the book Mohinder’s daddy wrote. The dog barks towards the sky……

1 comment:

  1. Hey, I googled for a recap since I missed the show and I got nothing else to do here at work. Just wanted to say I enjoyed your style of writing, made the recap even more entertaining than other recaps I've read. Very funny stuff...the 'My two dads' moment, very funny.


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