Dirty Sexy Money"The Chiavennasca"
Original Air Date: October 17, 2007
Shawn P - TwoCents Staff Writer
Previously on DSM, not all press was good press as banking went risqué. Are they rerunning last week’s episode? Because tonight’s show starts with the George brood just like last week, including Rugrat George. Rugrat George is quickly ushered away by Daisy as they both place calls to their agents to see if they get a residual check for seven seconds of work in this episode. Nick and Lisa go blah blah blah Kiki blah blah blah. Aha! Rugrat’s name is Kiki. I think we’ve officially learned everyone’s name. Yup, our last holdout gets named tonight!
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Dirty Sexy Money
ReplyDelete"The Chiavennasca"
Original Air Date: October 17, 2007
Shawn P - TwoCents Staff Writer
Previously on DSM, not all press was good press as banking went risqué. Are they rerunning last week’s episode? Because tonight’s show starts with the George brood just like last week, including Rugrat George. Rugrat George is quickly ushered away by Daisy as they both place calls to their agents to see if they get a residual check for seven seconds of work in this episode. Nick and Lisa go blah blah blah Kiki blah blah blah. Aha! Rugrat’s name is Kiki. I think we’ve officially learned everyone’s name. Yup, our last holdout gets named tonight!
So with that in mind, let’s peel the onion back and allow that Andy Bing is really named… Germy. I’ve decided on this spelling because I’m getting a “time for a trip to the free clinic” vibe from Natalie, who’s been hanging all of Germy (and others) for the last few episodes. She’s now officially Typhoid Natalie, and let me add as I watch her and Germy cyber-flirt, she looks quite at home performing on a web cam.
Cuckold Tripp wants to know if all his kids are his kids, but takes little solace in a “yes” answer, which makes me wonder what a “no” would have done to him.
Tripp sends Nick to a vineyard in Milan to locate Templeton, who will always be a rat in my heart. They imply Templeton can shed light on the Elder dossier.
Lisa shops for some shoes that turn out to cost $1200; she asks if they come with a kidney. Of course Karen has a pair. Of shoes, I mean. Kidneys, too, probably. Speaking of awkward small talk, Lisa and Karen bond over their diametrically-opposed viewpoints on disposable income.
Germy rents a theater for Jewels to see Babes in Toyland. Laurel and Hardy! Why don’t they re-run old movies like that on broadcast TV anymore? I’d watch! Cough, cough: I may or may not even be a Nielsen family, ABC. I’m definitely not above lying about it to get more things I like on the air. (At least re-run the cruddy Drew Barrymore/Keanu Reaves/Pat Morita 1986 version, which is, as I mentioned 14 words ago, cruddy, but is also… awesome!).
Rev. Brian, the patron Saint of All Things Right with This Show, encourages a bullied Gustav to stop turning the other cheek and start kicking some rear.
In sneaky news, Tripp uses knowledge of a forged painting to greenmail Tish’s OB-GYN into checking into the providence of his brood.
Jewels and Germy hit the clubs, where Typhoid Natalie hangs on yet another random dude. Nat and Germy end up in a bathroom stall, where they talk about current events and debate third world debt forgiveness. No, they… Get. It. On! It ends poorly, for Germy at least. But it’s good news for the nation’s penicillin supply.
Karen and Golf-Pro Freddy hitch a ride to Italy with the George’s on the private plane. Karen is kind of annoying, in case you didn’t notice.
Rev. Brian finds out the bully Gustav wants to fight is a girl the size of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Seriously, it’s like child abuse to sign your minor up for a role like this, because I’m fairly certain you don’t move easily from playing the overfed preteen on the boob tube to immense popularity back in real life public school.
Typhoid Natalie breaks into Germy’s hotel room. I just figured out they’re supposed to have actual feelings for each other. Not a good sign that I needed to decipher that from context rather than dialogue or scenes.
Nick goes cloak & dagger with the whole silly password at the winery (hence the episode title, which I’m not going to try and spell again). This scene from Casino Royale (the spoof, not the reboot) ends abruptly when Nick asks about the Simon Elder dossier, and rat Templeton, the mystery sommelier, puts on an Indiana Jones hat and storms off. Sometimes I wonder if they’re just making this up as they go along.
In the meantime, Lisa’s gotten into the grappa and is now completely blotto. Karen uses this opportunity to drop the bombshell that Nick proposed to Karen when they were nineteen. Wow, that’s worse than the deflowering revelation. Awkward! Lisa storms off.
Rev. Brian deconstructs why he joined the priesthood – because he never felt a part of anything or anyone. What a coincidence, I think that’s what drove St. Francis of Assisi into the Order of Friars!
Templeton implies that Pseudo-Dutch was also compiling a dossier on Tripp.
Lisa reminds Karen of Rugrat Kiki and warns her to stay away from her man.
(Me! Ow!)
Germy declares his love, explicitly, for Typhoid Natalie, spreader of disease. Heart-warming.
Nick and Lisa reconcile. Tripp runs some DNA tests and discovers one his brood is not like the others! Who’s the cuckoo’s egg? My guess is they’re going to tease that it’s Karen, because Karen/Nick incest is salacious, and we like that. But in the end, it turns out to be Germy only, and not Jewels. Yes, they’re twins, but this is also a soap opera, and that’s the kind of thing they can explain away with made up science (like evolution!). Prognostications aside, Tish promises to spill the beans, and the screen goes blank.
Tonight’s commercial break brought to you by David Chase?
It’s not the ending-ending. We come back from commercial to find Gustav putting the screws to the Reverend. In return for not ratting out daddy, Rev. Brian tells the bully-girl that God says she’ll burn in hell for eternity.
Nick returns home to debrief with Tripp. The Templeton meeting leads Nick to believe Pseudo-Dutch was working for someone else, maybe Simon Elder, in gathering the dossier.
Tripp says same old same old back at the homestead in your absence, so we don’t find out the identify of the fake kid.
Germy and Typhoid Natalie relax and say nice things about each other. I think they’re acting a scene from Our Town, because these two characters have never done anything but have sex in public places and manipulate others. I just don’t buy them as Romeo and Juliet. Sid and Nancy, maybe. Oh snap, Nat’s preggers.
Finally, we meet Simon Elder, who picks Nick George up on the street. I wonder if this is how Patty and his Tranny Hooker met?
That wraps up this week’s show, which I’ll give one thumb up, two and a half stars, a homemade Kwanza card, and a publicly notarized Post-It coupon written in crayon and redeemable for one back-rub from a townie named Ratso (Head down to the Forge & Anvil to redeem the coupon, Ratso’s the guy at the end of the bar licking the salt out of the empty Chex Mix bowl).
Next week, the twins’ trust fund matures as they regress. Simon Elder offers Nick a job. People dress like extras from Marie Antoinette. Or Marie Antoinette is coming out on DVD and I got confused. And Reverend Brian kills a man in Reno just to watch him die. Can’t wait!